hoverfly

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wondered about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

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hoverfly

Larry gets home late one night and, Kitty, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'

'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking?' she said, shaking her head in disgust.

'Why on earth would a retired person get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'

'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'

Larry is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.

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Mike and Maureen landed on Mars. They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things. Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen.

The male Martian responded, "Pretty much the way you do."

A discussion ensued and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night. Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a very small member no more than half-an-inch long and just a quarter-inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen.

"Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replied, "it's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grew until it was impressively long.

"Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."

"No problem," he said and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples joined their normal partners. As they walked along Mike asked, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," said Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!"

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