Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
 

I been looking deep in health boards an it seems it's all in our heads. I've known and stated that, so I want to say, if we had high confidence and esteem, there a chance our or any problems could be gone. I guess in the grand scheme of things, if we fix low confidence and esteem, we could be well on our well.

Well, the biggest balls you are likely to have are the ones in your mind.

But precisely that's where the problem for a number of members start. I don't know if it is a small penis that breeds low self-esteem, though judging my own life I'd be inclined to say it doesn't or if low self-esteem breeds a small penis, metaphorically speaking. Mind over matter you might say.

Never had a problem with either issues. I'd have to admit, I'm so full of myself it is frightening and that was something I had work on myself over the years. My favourite subject is me and I can talk about it for hours (shut up Jo or just go 'verbose off', LOL).

But I also have some good sides to me. Like willingness to help and teach and learn, probably one of the most important things.

I've said if many times before, maybe it was just a gigantic stroke of luck but of the three guys in my class at school that had a visibly small penis, I never got teased by anyone. Allthough mine was not bigger then theirs, I never considered it a problem, just didn't cross my mind. Had my first girlfriend at the age of 14, Gabriela, she was gorgeous, not that it ever went much beyond kissing and a bit of juvenile groping but sweet memories.

Got married at 18, the love of my life. She was a tall slender beauty, Christina. Unfortunately, being so young we failed to assess the situation and our own needs for a partner right, so it did go the way a lot of marriages go. Divorce. She remarried a civil servant and I continued to live my unsteady lifestyle. And then, as the saying goes, third time lucky... Still happily married to her after 27 years. Followed me and my wild schemes all over the planet.

Different time, different social environment, different attitudes in Germany in general maybe, a lot of things might have played into this but I have never let my size define who I am and what I can achieve in life. Making a reasonable success of ones business or work is not directly related to penis size I think and the one thing women love is success in her partner. Success attracts women like s..t does flies. It goes to prove that you are a good 'hunter' and provider for a family.

There is apparently one thing you can do to improve your perception of yourself and that is train in the field of NLP, neurolinguistic programming. It is widely used and trained for by managers, at least in a large number of European countries, but it can also be employed in changing your own perception. Just don't go too far, the planet is suffering enough a...holes as it is.

Guess I rambled on enough for now.

I dont know Road, i was going to write the way i usually respond to your postings, but i guess i would be just sounding like a broken record. Look, there is no science to this. All this crap that you waist your time reading, its just filling your head with useless information. You are never going to get confidence of better your self esteem by reading health forums. You have to go out there and make it happen for yourself. Your confidence will grow with experience, and thats pretty much how it goes.
and Hover, you really cant judge someone else before walking in their shoes. I can tell you with confidence that a small penis MOST DEFINITELY breeds low self esteem. Dont forget, you are older then we are. You have been married longer than me and road have been alive, right? What im saying is that you are from a different time period. Penis has never mattered as much as it does in our day and age. Plus we are from different countries too am i right? So that could also play a part in it.

I know all of this. I guess I also want to question your reason of being here Crazy. From what you write, you got a really hot GF who doesn't care about your size, but you still have problems regarding your size right? Just asking whats with the problems? And Hover, no hate to your rambles, really enjoy every story you tell.

Yeah dude my girl is pretty hot and has great personality. Not sure which one matter more to who but yea thats the deal.
The thing is that this is not what i want in this life. I mean maybe down the road, yea this kind of life is acceptable but not right now.
I dont want this to sound cocky or like im full of myself, but i know for a fact that i could have fucked every single girl i have ever known in my life. Im just a honry bastard what can i say. I want to fuck a lot of different girl before i finally settle down.
Right now im focusing on my financial situation. So sometime before im 35, i want to take a few years and just make up for all the sex that i missed out on during my highschool years. Just thinking about how many girls i could have had have i not been so fucking self councious, well it just makes me really mad

I know how you feel. Having sex with a whole bunch of women is not exactly something that I have craved but when you go your whole life with virtually no female contact at all just the thought of experiencing those sensations with all the gorgeous girls I've met in my life sure would've been nice.

However if I had managed to get a girlfriend who I really liked and who liked me and accepted me then not having a string of lovers would not bother me as much it seems to bother you.

If I had been offered the chance to have sex with a girl any girl then I definitely would have done it. It just never happened. I've only spoken to a handful of women in my lifetime and most of them were married or something similar.

I hate the fact that I never got to experience being with a young woman. I did have two girlfriends when I was 19/20 but I never had sex with either of them. At 53 I know the chances of it happening now are zero.

In fact the chances of having sex with anyone young or old is zero at this point.

Sorry Crazy, I meant to say it's a problem too you, not her. I know how you feel, who is in there 20's hates and doesn't want sex? I'm dealing with my own issues right now and put trying to get laid to the side for now. Virgin, I still you are at a good age to get pussy every week. Maybe even better than a 20 year old. You just gotta apply yourself and get out there.

@crazy:That's what I mumbled at some point. Different time, different cultural background, well, lots of different things really. And you are right about size comparissons. Even in the gym, yes we all looked and compared I guess but that was it. Also at school we had exellent sex education in Germany. No holds barred, so it was pretty clear to everybody that whatever you see in the changing room had little to do with what you'd get between the sheets.

The internet not having been invented must have made a huge difference. My friends and I all relied on the smutty little pamphlets in dads bedside table and some art books that my grandfather had collected, all sparsely clad nymphs, pictures that you'd be locked up for these days seing that most of them can't have been older then about 10 or 11 at best. Not that any of them showed their genitalia, even the budding breast were mostly obscured by thin veils to cloth but that was how we got our first idea about 'what the other half' looks like.

Puberty also definitively set in a lot later back in the early 70s, giving you more of a chance to grow up first.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am the last person to ever claim some rubbish about 'the good old days'. They never existed, they are purely a figment of our imagination with your brains blanking out the nasty bits and featuring the good times. A bit like a movie trailer really but you'll experience that yourself one of these days.

But at the end of the day I think it is the internet that has changed young peoples perception of themselves most, plus the abundance of body image focussed magazines, which these days pretty much includes everything, even the latest knitware mag for your 50+ generation.

Totally unrealistic, completely vain and unachievable. That's todays life, just so all kinds of industries can sell you more useless crap that in a fair proportion of the products sold is actually bad for you. Like skin creams for 20 year olds or such nonsense.

Thank goodness my wifes view on this is pretty much the same as mine. She has only one obsession and that is colouring her hair which started to turn grey at the tender age of 23. I couldn't care less, hair colour doesn't make her any different. But so be it, if it keeps her happy.

I've never had that hunters urge to go chasing women. I knew from pretty early on that there were so many things out there that I'd rather do then spend my time in a pub, club or disco, chatting up women. Found the whole thing rather tedious to be honest. Mind you, I've always kind of hated filling space with smalltalk anyway.

I'd rather spend my time with one of the bands I was playing with at the time. Getting the songs right, working on new songs, improving the stage act and practice my lousy singing voice to at least do for the chorus and maybe msome background oohs and aahs and stuff. You can tell, no lack of self confidence there, ever, I was far more interested in having my picture on the front page of the local fishwrapper after a successful gig.

Maybe Alfred Adler, the psychoanalyst, was right when he wrote his book on compensation. He wrote a number of books about compensating for deficiencies in personality development. Not sure how he is ranked in todays world of psychology but I found his writings rather engaging at the time.

@virgin: Come one, at 53, same age as me incidentally, you should still consider yourself in your prime.

Besides, at our age, I am sure we have both come to realise that physical attraction is only part of live and one that over time loses some appeal, at least in a partner. Beauty fades and what hopefully remains is that a partner is still perceived as beautiful but on a different level.

We spend so much time doing stuff, going out, concerts are a huge agenda, we go to probably around 40 concerts every year, if not more. But then, where we live all through the summer there are free concerts every Saturday and Sunday afternoon in one of the parks. Not everything is down our street, I'll happily give the Salvation Army hymnsinging a miss but the mixture is so wild a varied, we usually find something good on one of the two days. Friday and Saturday nights most pubs will have bands on, so going for some live music involves little more then going round the corner to the Lamb and Lion. If the band is not to our liking, have a pint and go home or somewhere else.

All this is usually free, so you can't lose.

There are a lot of things you can do, believe me. I don't know what you are in to but I am sure there must be likeminded females out there, wherever you may live.

Neither of us is after anything but a good time but we've met so many people and got talking to them socially. It's great and it keeps you off the internet and re-aquaints you with the real world.

No, I don't think you should give up, I honestly don't.

Hey Virgin, i cant even begin to describe to you how much i feel your pain. There was a time in my life when i thought i was going to end up the same way as you, no offense.
Finally facing my fears and getting laid is what helped me ge out of this funk. Im dead serious. After i finally had sex, my life changed. I met my gf about few months later. Hell i could have had many gf's since then. Either through CL, or if i had enough guts to approach women, i know that i wouldint be going back to my old self.
So listen man, stop thinking about how old you are or how its never going to happen. Get yourself the most expensive escort you can possibly find. Tell her that you are small, you are shy, and you want her to show you the time of your life. Just fucking do it and i promise you things will change. You dont ever have to pay for pussy again in your life, but just this one time you have to do it. You left yourself no choice.
And Road, hate me if you want for my honesty, but if you keep making up excuses and keep delaying this, you will end up like this guy. Stop procrastinating man, it leads nowhere.

And virgin, i hopoe none of this offends you. I just fucking hate it with every fiber of my being seeing people suffer so much because of this nullshit curse we all have. There is hope!!!!!!!

I want to contribute to Virgin's get laid fund. A nice, clean, young lady of the evening sounds like the perfect cure. :)

LOL. I didn't realise that one had been set up.

As for the young bit? Hm, not so sure, I've always been more into women 35+, you can't beat a bit of experience in both life and bedroom.

Clean, definitively and nice, yes, that would be nice.

Hey I don't care if she's clean or not. If she's on her way home from a mud wrestling match I'll take her anyway.:) Disease free yes;)

I guess that was what prosense was referring to, the disease free bit. Anything else will come off in the shower (we hope). LOL

I could think of a couple of people on this site that need a fund set up for.

Ughhh, it just really gets me thinking about guys like virgin4inch, and others on this site.

Hey Hover, tell these people that there are millions of girls out there who are lonely as hell and dream every day about a guy with good personality that will treat them right. Girls that wont give a flying fuck what your size is. Tell em man, because your older, i dont think people listen much when i say things here.

Well you're "crazy" http://www.addemoticons.com/emoticon...icons04287.gif so what do you expect.

Crazy... For the most part the title of this thread is most likely the single biggest underlying issue for a lot of members, whether they are active posters or not. I could talk to each of them individually until I was blue in the face, I doubt it would disperse their fears of rejection and ridicule. The human brain is the single most complex thing that evolution has brought about and science is still struggling with it bigtime.

It has its own rewards and punishment system, which feeds back on itself, creating ever more problems in some cases and in others not.

The best example for this is the good old depression. Depression is little more then a chemical imbalance in the brains neurotransmitters, that science is aware of and yet, it is one of the most difficult to treat, even with todays beta blockers and other medications available. It creates a truly viscious circle of imbalance, the imbalance becomes the norm, any return to a more desirable state will literally cause something that is very similar to withdrawal symptoms, changing the sufferers behaviour in such a way that he/she is doomed to fail, just so the perfect imbalance can be restored.

I do feel sorry, very sorry for anybody having had to go down this road. It must seriously be hell and no matter what I say will make one iota difference. What can make a difference is seeing a psychologist, in combination with the correct medication and I have suggested this to a few members once I thought they were so down that threats of suicide might become more of a reality then we might like to see. But that too is a problem when you are depressed, lack of motivation, I won't repeat what I have surely written here dozens of times over, and of course the fear of having to talk about it in a personal conversation. Let's face it, this is as anonymous as it gets, so you can withdraw from a discussion if and when it starts getting uncomfortable, not so when you are sitting face to face with your psychologist.

Also, from what I have learned about the US medical system, there is the huge issue of funding such treatment and I'd have to say that if you live in the UK, count yourself lucky. ALL your treatment is free of charge, apart from the National Insurance deductions from your paycheck, which btw, doesn't amount to much in my opinion.

There are a lot of things that you have to take into consideration at the end of the day.

Yeah Hover i hear what you are saying. I just think that maybe maybe if these guys hear it enough, maybe one of them will muster up the courage to put themselves out there. I dont know man. I just remeber my life back when i thought that the possibility of me being with a girl is like me going to space.

No, i was being 100% serious. Because i know its 100% true, and you can back it up for me. The only time you will see me be sarcastic on here is if i ever post in SPH section. I openly appose that kind of lifestyle, so sometimes if im in the mood i will drop a sarcastic note. People got angry with me because of this in the past, so i dont really do that no more either.

Well, with going to space becoming ever more affordable... Someone roll the clock forward half a century, I'm game, I'll sell everything I have and get on board.

But that's totally beside the point, isn't it.

Hopefully members like myself and hopefully Virgin are still "young" enough to en this depression. Only advice I have is go out there and take risks, talk to girls with a nothing to lose mentally. She turns you down? Eh, I'll just talk to her. Even give a pretty chubby chick a chance. Find ways to boost our self-esteem. I suggest volunteer work. Working out. I really believe Virgin4 is a perfect age to meet women. THere are tons of single grandmothers who want some company. Look for certain websites. For people like me, the most beautiful could tell me I'm cute and size doesn't matter but it will just enter one ear and leave the other. Im getting close to telling girls that I think they're pretty. Let's see when I take the next step.

Been waiting for that for a long long time now dawg.

@Crazy: I didn't want to spell it out quite so brutally but you have taken the words right out of my mouth.

One thing though. Call me ignorant or just plain stupid but what does 'dawg' mean? 25 years at least on the internet but I still can't get my head around some of those abbreviations, if that is one and not merely a written vocalisation.

@Road: My friend, one of these days you will have to start practicing what you preach in your signature and I do not mean that in any kind of disrespectful way.

You remind me very much of a close friend of mine from Hamburg who is so full of compassion, so nice, so concerned with the well-being of the rest of the planet that he gets so down about everything that he has failed to find a job for the past 18 years.

Remember this: Carpe Diem or in no nonsense, do it today or cry for the lost time tomorrow.

I can easily say what I feel, but can never take charge. And 'dawg' is just American slang for friend. Not really sure where it came from. It's been around since the mid 90's. Maybe it's a way to let a friend how 'loyal' he is Lol.

Thanks Road for clarifying that for me. I hadn't come across that one before but I guess we in the UK have probably just as many words that are not common use in the States. Well, certainly makes language even more interesting then it already is.

As for the 'not taking charge'... Simply don't, just talk to them, women do pick up on this too and allthough maybe the majority will be more into a man taking the lead, it doesn't mean they are all like that.

I have the (dis?)advantage of talking endlessly anyway. Gets me into all sorts of odd situations but at least in a group of people I have not met before, I will usually be the one that goes home knowing that I have added the most aquaintances to my list, not that I ever set out to do that, it just happens. Also, I can easily laugh at myself and don't take life that seriously, that helps, especially when I (again) open my mouth and put my foot in it, as does happen all too often.

Alfred Adler, the, I think, Austrian psychologist formulated the theory of compensation for physical defects, if you want to call a small penis that (he was not referring to genetalia per se, though), saying that people that have the inherent tendency to feel inadequate often make up for this by exeeding in other fields, like Beethooven who was deaf as a doornail, yet composed some of the most wonderful works of classial music. Maybe I am just a point in case for his often disputed theory. I'd like to believe it is so.

What I am trying to say is that, we are all good at something, even if we ourselves night not rate this too highly. That's always a good point for a conversation, everything else follows later, maybe even much later but it does get you there (wherever there may be) in the end.

Good point Hover, and yea Dawg means pretty much what Road said it means. I sometimes substitute it for words like man, bro, pal, partner, homie etc........
You are making very good point Hover, but i think it all comes down to something much simpler.
Girls crave attention, girls love to be comlimented. Gilr are also crazy insecure about every little thing about their body. Last but not least, there are many, many women out there who are just simply looking for a nice guy to settle down with.
One thing women dont want, is insecure men. You know what they also generally dont want, an inexprienced men. Thats why i have been telling Road for a long time now to just sleep with a couple of random girls, just to get the exprience and help with self steem.
Like always say, my life saw no changes and no light at the end of the tunnell until i lost my virginity. When i went down on her and gave her a pretty intense orgasm, my first time ever seeing a vagina in real life by the way. After that, it gave me a sense of power that i didint have before. It gave me confidence. When i started going out with my girl at first she didint believe me that i had pretty much no experience in sex.

Yea, but it's just not that simple to go out and get laid. And if I don't, it's not like it's the end of the world for me.

@Crazy: Since 'dawg' appeared to be more common knowledge then I had expected, I looked it up on Wiki and lo and behold, it came up with a rather lengthy article on African American Vernacular English. I hadn't expected that.

Thanks for enlightening me on the subject.

As for what else you state, well put, couldn't agree more with it.

Just one thing, I do like having the last word :D, you probably saw here vulva, rather then her vagina, unless that is, you had some forceps and a torch with you. Not sure how that might be received though.

But at the end of the day you are right. Once you have discovered that you can do 'it', it must surely be one of the greatest morale boosters ever. Puts a lot of things into perspective, doesn't it?

@Road: No it isn't but as Crazy pointed out, it would take away that nagging feeling that size does matter as much as some think and that can't be a bad thing, especially bearing in mind just how much it possibly effects other aspects of life.

Well, at the end of the day I believe you are still young, aren't you? At least compared with an old fart like myself. You'll sort it out.

I really hope so.