hoverfly

Things you could/should do before 'charging at the gate'

Since Bindicat commented so wonderfully on one of my posts about how not to proceed to the clitoris the minute you get between the sheets, I thought it might be an idea to give you some idea of what else I like doing with my wife, that does not involve the genitals whatsoever.

My wife loves this kind of attention, slow caressing and all the tingly sensations associated with them. So, blessed be womenhood for all the magical things they enjoy so much.

The Head:
Try running your fingers through her hair, vary your moves by sometimes using the fleshy tip of your finger and at other times using the nailed tip, this can give her goosepimples all down her back.

The hairline left and right of her temples can be ever so sensitve, go for it gently.

Her cheeks and face can be caressed with you fingers flat on her skin or even with the palm of your hand.

Nibble her ears ever so gently, go for the earlobes, great for gentle sucking action and the skin behind her ears is ever so sensitive too, kiss it, lick it and once it is slightly wet (don't drool, that's not nice), ever so softly blow hot breath over it. My wife hates any blowing in the ear though, so be careful with that one. That being said, all women are different.

The hairline at the back of the neck seems a killer with most women, as is the side of the neck or the part where her lower jaw meets the neck. Great for kissing, sucking or gentle caressing. Once arousal becomes more noticable, you could try a combination of biting and sucking the muscles on top of her shoulder. Some women are quite capable of reaching climax just by doing that. Just make sure you don't take a chunk out of her. LOL

As with all those little tricks, be creative, don't write a script but listen and observe her reaction, probably the single most important thing about being a good lover is recognising where your partner is in her arousal. Get it wrong and you could find yourself back on square one.

The Shoulders and upper Torso:
Personally, I think a womans shoulders are amongst the sexiest part of her body, so I've always lingered there for quite some time.

I find that starting with broad stroking massage moves is the best thing. It relaxes her, gives a sign of trust and feeling secure with you, all this helps make her relax.

Start from the fleshy shoulder muscles and follow the outline of her shoulderblade and up the other side (beside her arms). Once you feel she is getting more aroused, try doing the same with your fingernails. A good way of checking the effect is by placing your lips just fractions of a milimeter from her skin. That way you will notice if and when those tiny hairs start standing on end, quite apart from which, she won't notice what you are up to (basically taking a measurement, LOL) since all she'll feel be your hands and your warm breath on her spine.

The little shallow depression between her collarbone and the actual shoulder muscles, now there's one for you. Run you fingers/hand along the collarbone, every once in a while dipping in and out of the hollow.

Run your fingers down her neck, around the front and stop just above where her breast form. STOP! Hands off those lovely mamalian protruberances. OK?

Kiss her between her breast, run your fingers between them. No more, no less.

The Back:
Both my wifes and my all time favourite. I can spend hours there and believe me, I am well rewarded for it. Oh, don't get me wrong, not with something she'll then do in return to me but simply by having the pleasure of seing her pleasured. This, just in case you are wondering, is actually what it is all about. What you can do to please her, not what you will get in return. Never forget that.

Looong strokes along the muscles left and right of the spinal column, in my experience an absolute killer application. Be it done with the hand flat on her back, with just the fingers or, ever popular, using your fingernails.

You can try doing the same along her outline, I find this slightly less effective but it does have its merrits and again, all woman a different, so it is worth including this in your repertoire.

The further down the back, the better the circulation in general. More circulation, the better the stimulation, which brings me to the lower back.

The small indentation just above her bum, that's where you can really make it happen for most women. Be it fingers, lips, your tongue, anything will be welcome and don't forget about the tiny hairs on her back. Once they stand on end, grab a few between your teeth and give the a gentle tug. Not enough to make them tear out, just enough to stretch the skin underneath.

I know she loves me kissing her endlessly near where her slip ends. Follow the line with your tongue and kiss her there. This is a great opportunity to point out that while you are doing any caressing, you shouldn't forget to kiss her all over. This goes for all the things I've described here. Also, remember you've got two hands, so make good use of both.

In fact, you should use your whole body to caress her but try and leave out your and her genitals for as long as possible. Go back to her neck instead, kiss her shoulders again and make your way up and down her body, she'll love it.

What is really important is that you get your own movements well coordinated. None of the kiss here, stop, move somewhere else, fondle, stop... you get the idea. Try to make it as much of a flowing motion as you can (this will improve with time), without ever letting up on her.

The Legs:
No matter what, the legs of a woman, once somewhat aroused, are a great place to linger.

Now, don't even think about putting your hands straight in her crotch. No, seriously, don't. Give her time, a lot of time.

Stroke the outside of her thighs, make your way slowly down to her knees, the skin on the back of her knees is very sensitive and is capable of giving her endless pleasure.

Run your hands down her lower leg, feel her foot and run your hand back up on the inside. Some women like their toes sucked, try it if she/you are so inclined.

Kiss her feet, her ankles, her calves all the way up to her knee and then do the other leg. Up and down we go, bit like a yo-yo.

Make your way up along outside and inside her thighs. Obviously, this is where things will become more difficult for a man. Lying between a womans legs, kissing and stroking the inside of her thighs, well, let's be honest, you can already smell her, maybe hear her moan, rythmically move her pelvis... But do try and stay away from the vulva. Instead kiss her along the skin fold where her inside leg joins her hips. Kiss her belly, her back, you get the idea.

And again, I can only repeat myself, go back to the head and neck, the back and shoulders, caressing, massaging, kissing, you name it. Just make it last and last a long time. You'll know when the time comes for some more decisive action but this is a good way of making sure that it'll be a night to remember.

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Right and now for some harsh realities of life to set the record straight.

This is NOT the ultimate guide or the eleventh commandment, let me make this quite clear. Also, I've probably left out bits that you might be able to think of that will float her boat. All the better.

Good sex is as much about being a creative lover, as it is about the ever present on this site, size issue. In fact, I believe it is far more important.

In the process of exploration you may, like me, come across things you would never have dreamed about. Like making a woman climax by sucking and biting her neck. Sure, this will not work with every woman, so don't take anything too literal but being a slow, careing and considerate lover, whose thoughts are not purely directed at this own pleasure, that I found was always a good way to do things.

Also, don't turn your sex life into an achievement thing. Some years ago there was this big craze about the G-Spot. Everybody wanted to give their girlfriends, wives, partners a G-Spot orgasm. This caused even more frustration and disappointment in beds then there may have been already. If a woman enjoys this stimuation, great, and she'll love you for it but a) not all women respond to the stimulation in the first place and b) some felt ever so embarrassed about any ejaculation they may have had. This is not an Olympic discipline.

My final word for the day (thank goodness for that I hear you moan in despair) would be

Enjoy your sex life, don't ever believe porn is real and if you still think bigger is better... sorry, then I really can't help you.

And when it's all over:
DON'T just roll over and fall asleep. My wife likes it when I stay inside her for quite some time, while I continue to kiss and caress her. Even when my little friend has already given up and slipped out of her, don't stop. You may find that it pleases a woman very much to be continued to be looked after, even once it's all over.

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Some of you may laugh at this thread but then you are not part of the 'target group'. This was more intended for the relatively large numbers of less experienced guys here, who I do hope will manage to extract something useful out of all of this.

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