Crazy8, jobleau is right. DON'T you go doing something silly or more bluntly, downright stupid. You have a girlfriend, now that's already more then some of the posters on this forum can lay claim to.
I too can only urge you, as did jobleau before me, to seek some professional advice. See your GP about your problem, he is bound by confidentiality, so no leaks. Any half decent GP should be able to give you advice on you issues.
And lastly, go see your GP. We don't want to log in one morning having to read your obituary.
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