crazy8

Lots of different things man.
I dont know if you read any of my postings this past year, but i had affected me in lots of ways. I quit hockey because of it. The one thing that i truly love in this world, one thing i truly have passion for, and one thing that i knew i had it in me to make it, i had to quit.

As far as being happy goes....people have different understanding of it. Some guys define happyness as finding a girl who loves them and settling down. I have that, but i am not happy.
There are other things i want in this life, and i know i can never have them.
I dont want to climb mount everest. Cant become a president either, not born here
What i want is to be able to use a urinal and no worrying about anybody looking over at me.
I want to be able to go to a sauna with my friends and not be scared to change in the locker room. I want to fuck lots and lots and lots of girls. And i dont wanna be afraid of them not liking my size. Just a few random things. There is much more.
But like i said, i have accepted the fact that i can never be that guy.
I know i will not be with my girl forever. And when it comes to an end, whenever that might be. I will probably just start getting escorts as much as possible. I know its a shitty way to do it, but at least i will forfill some of my dreams, fucking lots of different girls that is.
It just sucks man, if i was at least average, i could have fucked half of my high school, any girl i ever knew in my life i could have gotten. But thats never going to happen, as i will never ever have sex with anyone that i know, for the fear that my secret may come out.