RagnarV

Solly goes to see the rabbi.
"You're friendly with Cohen the chemist. Can you get him to give me some poison, I'm going to do myself in."
- "My life Solly, whatever you do, don't do that. Suicide is the one crime that even God can't forgive. Let's talk it over, what's wrong?"
"I'm pissed off with my wife. I just want to get away from her once and for all."
- "Hold on a moment Solly, I'll see what I can do. You go into the synagogue and I'll give her a ring, see if we can't work something out over the phone."
Three hours later the rabbi comes up to Solly and says,
- I'll go and see Cohen for you first thing tomorrow morning."

Why do Jewish men usually die before their wives?
- Because they want to.

What do you get if you lock ten Jewish women down in the basement?
- A whine cellar.

Cohen decides to take his wife out one evening for a meal in a restaurant. All of a sudden a woman comes up, kisses him, then walks off.
"Who the hell was that?" screams his wife.
- "That's my mistress."
"I want a divorce. We'll see the solicitor tomorrow morning."
- "OK but you won't be getting anything. The house, the car, the boat, and all the money are tied up in the business. My partner will get it all."
Just then his partner comes into the restaurant with a woman on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Levy. That's not his wife."
- "No, it's his mistress."
"Oh, your mistress is prettier than his."

Tom78728

Doctor tells a man he has 6 months to live.
The man says "Doc what will I do?"
Doc says, "Marry a jewish girl, it will seem longer"