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Old 06-01-2012, 07:08 AM   #1
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Default Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

I been looking deep in health boards an it seems it's all in our heads. I've known and stated that, so I want to say, if we had high confidence and esteem, there a chance our or any problems could be gone. I guess in the grand scheme of things, if we fix low confidence and esteem, we could be well on our well.
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Old 06-01-2012, 08:08 AM   #2
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Well, the biggest balls you are likely to have are the ones in your mind.

But precisely that's where the problem for a number of members start. I don't know if it is a small penis that breeds low self-esteem, though judging my own life I'd be inclined to say it doesn't or if low self-esteem breeds a small penis, metaphorically speaking. Mind over matter you might say.

Never had a problem with either issues. I'd have to admit, I'm so full of myself it is frightening and that was something I had work on myself over the years. My favourite subject is me and I can talk about it for hours (shut up Jo or just go 'verbose off', LOL).

But I also have some good sides to me. Like willingness to help and teach and learn, probably one of the most important things.

I've said if many times before, maybe it was just a gigantic stroke of luck but of the three guys in my class at school that had a visibly small penis, I never got teased by anyone. Allthough mine was not bigger then theirs, I never considered it a problem, just didn't cross my mind. Had my first girlfriend at the age of 14, Gabriela, she was gorgeous, not that it ever went much beyond kissing and a bit of juvenile groping but sweet memories.

Got married at 18, the love of my life. She was a tall slender beauty, Christina. Unfortunately, being so young we failed to assess the situation and our own needs for a partner right, so it did go the way a lot of marriages go. Divorce. She remarried a civil servant and I continued to live my unsteady lifestyle. And then, as the saying goes, third time lucky... Still happily married to her after 27 years. Followed me and my wild schemes all over the planet.

Different time, different social environment, different attitudes in Germany in general maybe, a lot of things might have played into this but I have never let my size define who I am and what I can achieve in life. Making a reasonable success of ones business or work is not directly related to penis size I think and the one thing women love is success in her partner. Success attracts women like s..t does flies. It goes to prove that you are a good 'hunter' and provider for a family.

There is apparently one thing you can do to improve your perception of yourself and that is train in the field of NLP, neurolinguistic programming. It is widely used and trained for by managers, at least in a large number of European countries, but it can also be employed in changing your own perception. Just don't go too far, the planet is suffering enough a...holes as it is.

Guess I rambled on enough for now.
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Old 06-01-2012, 03:41 PM   #3
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I dont know Road, i was going to write the way i usually respond to your postings, but i guess i would be just sounding like a broken record. Look, there is no science to this. All this crap that you waist your time reading, its just filling your head with useless information. You are never going to get confidence of better your self esteem by reading health forums. You have to go out there and make it happen for yourself. Your confidence will grow with experience, and thats pretty much how it goes.
and Hover, you really cant judge someone else before walking in their shoes. I can tell you with confidence that a small penis MOST DEFINITELY breeds low self esteem. Dont forget, you are older then we are. You have been married longer than me and road have been alive, right? What im saying is that you are from a different time period. Penis has never mattered as much as it does in our day and age. Plus we are from different countries too am i right? So that could also play a part in it.
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Old 06-01-2012, 07:17 PM   #4
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I know all of this. I guess I also want to question your reason of being here Crazy. From what you write, you got a really hot GF who doesn't care about your size, but you still have problems regarding your size right? Just asking whats with the problems? And Hover, no hate to your rambles, really enjoy every story you tell.
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Old 06-01-2012, 09:37 PM   #5
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Yeah dude my girl is pretty hot and has great personality. Not sure which one matter more to who but yea thats the deal.
The thing is that this is not what i want in this life. I mean maybe down the road, yea this kind of life is acceptable but not right now.
I dont want this to sound cocky or like im full of myself, but i know for a fact that i could have fucked every single girl i have ever known in my life. Im just a honry bastard what can i say. I want to fuck a lot of different girl before i finally settle down.
Right now im focusing on my financial situation. So sometime before im 35, i want to take a few years and just make up for all the sex that i missed out on during my highschool years. Just thinking about how many girls i could have had have i not been so fucking self councious, well it just makes me really mad
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:23 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy8 View Post
Just thinking about how many girls i could have had have i not been so fucking self conscious, well it just makes me really mad
I know how you feel. Having sex with a whole bunch of women is not exactly something that I have craved but when you go your whole life with virtually no female contact at all just the thought of experiencing those sensations with all the gorgeous girls I've met in my life sure would've been nice.

However if I had managed to get a girlfriend who I really liked and who liked me and accepted me then not having a string of lovers would not bother me as much it seems to bother you.

If I had been offered the chance to have sex with a girl any girl then I definitely would have done it. It just never happened. I've only spoken to a handful of women in my lifetime and most of them were married or something similar.

I hate the fact that I never got to experience being with a young woman. I did have two girlfriends when I was 19/20 but I never had sex with either of them. At 53 I know the chances of it happening now are zero.

In fact the chances of having sex with anyone young or old is zero at this point.
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Old 06-02-2012, 02:29 AM   #7
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Sorry Crazy, I meant to say it's a problem too you, not her. I know how you feel, who is in there 20's hates and doesn't want sex? I'm dealing with my own issues right now and put trying to get laid to the side for now. Virgin, I still you are at a good age to get pussy every week. Maybe even better than a 20 year old. You just gotta apply yourself and get out there.
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Old 06-02-2012, 08:44 AM   #8
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@crazy:That's what I mumbled at some point. Different time, different cultural background, well, lots of different things really. And you are right about size comparissons. Even in the gym, yes we all looked and compared I guess but that was it. Also at school we had exellent sex education in Germany. No holds barred, so it was pretty clear to everybody that whatever you see in the changing room had little to do with what you'd get between the sheets.

The internet not having been invented must have made a huge difference. My friends and I all relied on the smutty little pamphlets in dads bedside table and some art books that my grandfather had collected, all sparsely clad nymphs, pictures that you'd be locked up for these days seing that most of them can't have been older then about 10 or 11 at best. Not that any of them showed their genitalia, even the budding breast were mostly obscured by thin veils to cloth but that was how we got our first idea about 'what the other half' looks like.

Puberty also definitively set in a lot later back in the early 70s, giving you more of a chance to grow up first.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am the last person to ever claim some rubbish about 'the good old days'. They never existed, they are purely a figment of our imagination with your brains blanking out the nasty bits and featuring the good times. A bit like a movie trailer really but you'll experience that yourself one of these days.

But at the end of the day I think it is the internet that has changed young peoples perception of themselves most, plus the abundance of body image focussed magazines, which these days pretty much includes everything, even the latest knitware mag for your 50+ generation.

Totally unrealistic, completely vain and unachievable. That's todays life, just so all kinds of industries can sell you more useless crap that in a fair proportion of the products sold is actually bad for you. Like skin creams for 20 year olds or such nonsense.

Thank goodness my wifes view on this is pretty much the same as mine. She has only one obsession and that is colouring her hair which started to turn grey at the tender age of 23. I couldn't care less, hair colour doesn't make her any different. But so be it, if it keeps her happy.

I've never had that hunters urge to go chasing women. I knew from pretty early on that there were so many things out there that I'd rather do then spend my time in a pub, club or disco, chatting up women. Found the whole thing rather tedious to be honest. Mind you, I've always kind of hated filling space with smalltalk anyway.

I'd rather spend my time with one of the bands I was playing with at the time. Getting the songs right, working on new songs, improving the stage act and practice my lousy singing voice to at least do for the chorus and maybe msome background oohs and aahs and stuff. You can tell, no lack of self confidence there, ever, I was far more interested in having my picture on the front page of the local fishwrapper after a successful gig.

Maybe Alfred Adler, the psychoanalyst, was right when he wrote his book on compensation. He wrote a number of books about compensating for deficiencies in personality development. Not sure how he is ranked in todays world of psychology but I found his writings rather engaging at the time.
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Last edited by hoverfly; 06-02-2012 at 09:04 AM.
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Old 06-02-2012, 09:19 AM   #9
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@virgin: Come one, at 53, same age as me incidentally, you should still consider yourself in your prime.

Besides, at our age, I am sure we have both come to realise that physical attraction is only part of live and one that over time loses some appeal, at least in a partner. Beauty fades and what hopefully remains is that a partner is still perceived as beautiful but on a different level.

We spend so much time doing stuff, going out, concerts are a huge agenda, we go to probably around 40 concerts every year, if not more. But then, where we live all through the summer there are free concerts every Saturday and Sunday afternoon in one of the parks. Not everything is down our street, I'll happily give the Salvation Army hymnsinging a miss but the mixture is so wild a varied, we usually find something good on one of the two days. Friday and Saturday nights most pubs will have bands on, so going for some live music involves little more then going round the corner to the Lamb and Lion. If the band is not to our liking, have a pint and go home or somewhere else.

All this is usually free, so you can't lose.

There are a lot of things you can do, believe me. I don't know what you are in to but I am sure there must be likeminded females out there, wherever you may live.

Neither of us is after anything but a good time but we've met so many people and got talking to them socially. It's great and it keeps you off the internet and re-aquaints you with the real world.

No, I don't think you should give up, I honestly don't.
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Old 06-04-2012, 02:27 PM   #10
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Hey Virgin, i cant even begin to describe to you how much i feel your pain. There was a time in my life when i thought i was going to end up the same way as you, no offense.
Finally facing my fears and getting laid is what helped me ge out of this funk. Im dead serious. After i finally had sex, my life changed. I met my gf about few months later. Hell i could have had many gf's since then. Either through CL, or if i had enough guts to approach women, i know that i wouldint be going back to my old self.
So listen man, stop thinking about how old you are or how its never going to happen. Get yourself the most expensive escort you can possibly find. Tell her that you are small, you are shy, and you want her to show you the time of your life. Just fucking do it and i promise you things will change. You dont ever have to pay for pussy again in your life, but just this one time you have to do it. You left yourself no choice.
And Road, hate me if you want for my honesty, but if you keep making up excuses and keep delaying this, you will end up like this guy. Stop procrastinating man, it leads nowhere.

And virgin, i hopoe none of this offends you. I just fucking hate it with every fiber of my being seeing people suffer so much because of this nullshit curse we all have. There is hope!!!!!!!
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